Today was a good day! My grandma was not able to come out of the hospital and she won’t for a while, which really worries me, but we still had family dinner and I got to go up to the hospital and see her. Braden’s plane left for Canada this morning and he landed this afternoon. His mom was very happy to see him. We have gotten to talk for most of the evening, and I wasn’t expecting that, so that makes the day even better. I got to talk to him about a lot today. He is such a help with everything. I think that is one of the things I like most about him. I am able to talk to him about anything and everything and he is always very supportive and loving about the things he says back. He has really helped me overcome a lot in my life lately. I tend to stress and over think a lot of things so just to have him there for me all the time is wonderful. I have anxiety as well and so I can’t handle certain situations and he is very helpful with that stuff and doesn’t put me in situations where I would be uncomfortable. He is a very considerate guy and he can read me like a book so when I look like I am in a bad mood he makes me talk to him.
This afternoon I was asked if Braden and I are back together and that is a difficult question to answer. I met Braden on September 9th. My new roommate introduced us the night I moved in. He fell for me almost immediately. I didn’t though. I thought he was a sweet guy, but I had a different guy that I was interested in. Luke is my best friend. We have been best friends for 4 years now and this past summer we tried to make a relationship work, but he broke my heart on three separate occasions and I still thought he was the one that I wanted. Braden and I started to hang out more and more though because we lived next door to each other and Luke lives in a different town. Braden asked me out on October 10th. Braden and I got closer and closer and he treated me better than anyone else ever has. One night, though, Luke texted me professing his love for me saying that he still loved me and he never stopped and that he is just messed up in the head and he needs me in his life. That night ruined everything. It started giving me mixed emotions about Braden and I started making up reasons in my head to break up with him even though none of them were true. We broke up and that ruined Braden’s trust and feelings for me. I went the night after we broke up to Luke’s and it just didn’t feel right. I couldn’t stop thinking about Braden and I knew then that I made a mistake. Ever since then I have been working my ass off to get him back and prove to him that he is my everything because he is. I have only talked to Luke once since everything went down and that was because he got drunk and texted me asking if I wanted to hookup when Braden had my phone. I was pissed and completely went off on him and that was the last we talked. Braden is my biggest focus right now.
Braden said the other day that he didn’t want to be together until after the winter quarter because he is taking 27 credits so he won’t really have that much time for a relationship. Today, he told me that he didn’t want me to stop fighting for him and that he can tell that I am trying my hardest. He said that he doesn’t want to be with me during winter quarter because he is going to be super busy, but all his extra time is going to be spent with me. This makes me feel better, but winter quarter is going to suck the most even though we are taking a class together. I know he has to do this because he needs to get his degree done in 5 quarters while he is still on scholarship and I am going to support him through it all it will just be very difficult going from seeing him all the time and spending a lot of time with him to only seeing him for a couple of hours a day.
I am hoping that after winter quarter though we can figure us out and be together like everyone thinks we should be. I really miss him right now, though. I miss his hugs and I could really use one right about now with my grandma not doing the best. My family likes him a lot, though. I am excited for our future, but right now I am ready for the rocky road that lies before us. Braden has been saying that my grandma is going to be okay and that is what is keeping my spirits up right now.